Thanks to the whole cyst/health crisis, I feel like my life has been paused in most senses of the word, since mid October when this all started. There's a week of my life where I can't tell you who I talked to, what the weather was, and all I remember is pain and that I'm kinda traumatized by the surgery. And a total breakdown emotionally in the ER, when I realized I was the ONLY person sitting there waiting who was alone.
Now that the end of this crisis, at least for now, is near... I guess I feel like it's time to start dealing with non-cyst and work-related issues.
I remembered, Friday, that right before all of this flared-up, to use the medical term, I went to get my tarot read (feels farther away than Waskaganish... I've been in some sort of time-warp this Fall). I was told I had a choice to make. I haven't been in limbo, or though about this, since all of this started, but it's something that maybe it's time to sort out and act on.
Stay or go? Not a new question. Basically the guiding question and overarching theme of my life. I'm happiest when in constant motion, and surrounded by NEW. Am I built to stick it out in one spot? Stability and permanence scare me. But I saw something I want in Easter, and when I got back in July. As to whether it wants me or not is maybe the only reason I haven't actually answered this question.
1. A nervous habit I have is: I chew around my nails, and I tune out awkward situations by becoming an anti-social iPhone addict.
2. Something that makes me sad is: knowing I'm someone's one that got away.
3. Today I am thankful for: my puppy, faithful Friday night companion, Kito.
4. My favorite room in my house is: none. I want my Northern house on the sea back. Sunsets, Northern Lights, teepees, air, space, trees!
5. I can't stand: not knowing.
6. If I had an extra $100 to spend on whatever I wanted today I would : buy winter tires.
7. The last person I hung out with was: Tanya, on Tuesday. I've got a hermit life going on, I know.
Enfin, de la neige :D
The world is white here in Laval; this makes me happy.
Marking, marking, marking.
I feel bad for Kito, but if I ever want to get out of this backlog and keep on top of stuff, I'm going to have to start staying at school til sundown.
Am contemplating a roommate. Ideally just for a few months, but we'll see. Will likely post an ad on Kiijiji. Danger?
November is a month that I really honestly wish we could fast forward through. Grey, bleak, devoid of any qualities, really. Depressing one could even say, especially when coupled with the smell of hospitals, as is my life these days.
I had a chance to return to my old love-hate relationship, the North, in January, which I turned down. But, I must admit, it almost pushed me back into my old nomadic ways, significantly less than 6 months after making the major decision to attempt to be sedentary for at least a year.
I miss the coming and going, the flights, the airport, the being different from everyone else, the feeling of living something a tiny bit extraordinary on a daily basis, no matter how boring or mundane life in the North can be certain months of the year. I miss being able to live on my own, but have everyone I socialize with within walking distance. I am, by all means, bored and lonely, just in a different way than I was in James Bay. This one is more November-y, less exciting. Likely a consequence of my here-and-there last 10 years.
I really should invest in a roommate, financially and sanity-wise (Kito, despite all his qualities and companionship, doesn't speak English nor does he foot any of the bills or chip in for rent. The puppy is, essentially, a touch of a freeloader). Sidebar: I will start posting on Kito's Adventures and Mis-Adventures soon, as they tend to occur quasi-frequently these days.
So why DID I decide to turn down Mistissini to take a fairly-crappy position, and live here in Laval?
Partially fear. Fear of the consequences of leaving for another year.
Partially it had been a wonderful/horrible too fast/too long year, and I wasn't quite ready to commit to another
roller coaster of a year (dear 2011: you have not been kind 3/4 of the time. Please tell 2012 to be more kind).
Partially to do my M.Ed, which seems increasingly un-important to me.
Partially to score a better job for 2012-13.
Partially because I felt something when I came down for Goose Break, that I thought had the potential to be something. It ended up with me getting hurt and confused, as is the norm. Despite assurances that it wouldn't.
Partially because I didn't understand the consequences of leaving for a year.
I thought I saw a sign
Somewhere bewteen the lines
Or maybe it's me, maybe I only see what I want
I'm feeling Novembery, and a touch discouraged.
I've always had a bit of a love affair with anything kitsch, neon, and reminiscent of the 50s.
Lately, I'm on a mission: to start hunting down the items needed to eventually have a 50s kitchen.
Ironic on so many levels, I know.
I managed to score an owl that is all sorts of awesome for 1.99 tonight. Said Owl's twin, found online: http://www.kaboodle.com/reviews/vintage-owl-napkin-holder-retro-yellow-napkin-holder
I'm back in the city, after a lovely week in the North. Not as far north as last year, but far enough considering I had to survive being the only teacher on a schoolbus full of hungry cranky teenagers to get there and back!
I feel significantly more hardcore wilderness after this trip. I've always claimed to love camping... however, this past week was my first ever experience with this thing called "real" camping, aka backwoods canoe camping. We had to paddle for 2 hours to get to our campsite, which for services had: an outhouse, a fire pit, and an odd looking metal structure for hanging up your food so as to keep the bears and wolves and such from your tent. No showers for a week. Wet, wet wet weather. 30 minute paddle across Lake Wapizagonke to the other camp aka where the other teacher was.
Yeah, that's right. I can rough it and be super responsible.
