In less than 24 hours I'll be home.
It's over.
I stopped counting down in the last week, and had that "just a little bit more time, please?" sentiment that inevitably strikes me, regardless of whether the experience is great, horrible, or somewhere in the ho-hum middle.
I feel a tiny little tinge of regret that I decided to leave a day earlier (oh, with all the packing I feel I have left to do, this feeling grows!) and that I should have left with everyone else. But, alas, when I wrote the date on the paper, after much debate, I felt a day at home would be more... appreciated. That was, of course, with going to Mistissini in the fall. Which I am re-evaluating. The longer I'm farther, the less chances of getting the job I want long-term, closer.
Anyway, I was diverging.
I'm sitting here on my couch in my living room on Nottaway street on the banks of the Rupert River, for one final time. One final blog post from the North. (Yes, the blog URL and name will need to be changed in due time). Even if I head North again, it won't be here.
It's an odd feeling, leaving for good. There's a certain finality, that I've never experienced before. I will not come here again, most likely. I won't see these sunsets and people ever again.
It was a year experience of ultimate lows. I leave happy to go, and desperate for employment in the South, yes. There were some good points, though. I had an amazing class. I met a few good people that taught me a lot. I found love (and subsequently lost it), which I find hard to deal with. I think that... sense of loss is coming back, now, in the final hours. it's really hitting home: this isn't at all how I envisioned leaving in June, back in late September. Goodbye forever is nowhere near the happy ending I saw playing in my mind. Hey, I blew it. I know things now I didn't with the infamous M, and I know that, in time, I'll look back with some nostalgic sadness, but that the regret and tears eventually cease. Right now, though, it's still a capital R Regret. Painful. But, you can't make someone fall BACK in love with you. That's the way it goes. I accept that.
Leaving sucks. Especially when leaving to start over new, yet again, in 6 weeks' time, from zero, no matter how things play out.
Maybe, in the end, I could use a little extra time. Goodbyes always feel like they need that extra day, that extra week.
Off to finish the packing.
Goodbye, Waskaganish. Thank you for the lessons, the love and heartache, and the good times. And the many bug bites. I leave you wiser, sadder, older, thinner, calmer, and more mature than when I arrived in late August.
So, it turns out there ARE things I will miss here.
-Landscapes. Despite the fact that it's flat, I've grown to appreciate the rows of black spruce and tamaracks (even if, up close, both are rather homely unfortunate trees, aesthetically speaking).
-Proximity. In the sense that everything is next door. (Civilization, however, is anything but proximate).
-The long, long days. Midnight sun.
-Northern Lights
-The amazing Rupert Bay sunsets
-Living waterfront
-Watching high and low tide from my deck
-Having a house with a yard
-My students
-Some people I met here, who are amazing. There are, alternatively, quite a few horrible people concentrated here.
-That great needly tree smell that so reminds me of Maine (ahhhh, soon)
-Sunday Brunch at the Lodge
-Jacobs' Italian poutine
Yes, leaving IS hard to do.
I won't miss the bugs, the dark, cold, boring winter months, or the crazy white teachers.
Mixed feelings. Waiting to figure out what the next step is. I have a feeling I'll be back as a visitor someday....I also have a feeling that the few people I met here that really, truly matter and count are people I will cross from time to time.
Off to finish packing, saying goodbyes tomorrow, flying out Tuesday.
Goodbyes are never easy, no matter how long you've been counting down to them.
Especially when you will likely never see most people or the place ever again.
It's a weird feeling, saying goodbye to the view from the porch of my house of the coast.
Last day of classes, done.
I've got to admit, I'm more than a little sad to part with my students. Who are beyond words amazing. Who are what kept me here, and kept me going when the isolation/Northern winter/relationship issues/school crazyness got to me. My classroom has been my happy place since November 29th.
The last day of classes here is rather... ho-hum. Honestly, you wouldn't be able to tell it apart from any other day of the school year. I suppose being a Wednesday, with most groups having exams tomorrow might explain why.
On another note, exactly 10 years ago today was MY last day of high school classes. I would have passed right by it if I wasn't teaching Sec 5.
It was 5 degrees and may or may not snow overnight. Definately not the beach worthy weather it was a decade ago today. A DECADE. Is that getting to anyone else, or does this sort of thing hit more when you're a high school teacher?
At any rate, I feel a world away from the Cowansville beach (Coco Beach... does anyone still call it that?), MV tennis courts, and driving around in a van singing "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" jacked on iced capps (Timmy's was brand new in Cow town!) on a dollarama run (No Walmart yet!) Maybe it's the distance. I wonder if I'd feel closer if I were still working at MV?
The 1st job offer for next year has arrived! In the North, but not quite so much. 85 km North of Chibougamau... aka in a place where I can go skiing on weekends (as, you know, I'm buying a Lancer at Xmas)
The next stop, perhaps... : http://www.mistissini.ca/welcome.html
