One final post from the North

Posted by S. , Monday, June 27, 2011 11:37 PM

In less than 24 hours I'll be home.
It's over.
I stopped counting down in the last week, and had that "just a little bit more time, please?" sentiment that inevitably strikes me, regardless of whether the experience is great, horrible, or somewhere in the ho-hum middle.
I feel a tiny little tinge of regret that I decided to leave a day earlier (oh, with all the packing I feel I have left to do, this feeling grows!) and that I should have left with everyone else. But, alas, when I wrote the date on the paper, after much debate, I felt a day at home would be more... appreciated. That was, of course, with going to Mistissini in the fall. Which I am re-evaluating. The longer I'm farther, the less chances of getting the job I want long-term, closer.
Anyway, I was diverging.
I'm sitting here on my couch in my living room on Nottaway street on the banks of the Rupert River, for one final time. One final blog post from the North. (Yes, the blog URL and name will need to be changed in due time). Even if I head North again, it won't be here.
It's an odd feeling, leaving for good. There's a certain finality, that I've never experienced before. I will not come here again, most likely. I won't see these sunsets and people ever again.
It was a year experience of ultimate lows. I leave happy to go, and desperate for employment in the South, yes. There were some good points, though. I had an amazing class. I met a few good people that taught me a lot. I found love (and subsequently lost it), which I find hard to deal with. I think that... sense of loss is coming back, now, in the final hours. it's really hitting home: this isn't at all how I envisioned leaving in June, back in late September. Goodbye forever is nowhere near the happy ending I saw playing in my mind. Hey, I blew it. I know things now I didn't with the infamous M, and I know that, in time, I'll look back with some nostalgic sadness, but that the regret and tears eventually cease. Right now, though, it's still a capital R Regret. Painful. But, you can't make someone fall BACK in love with you. That's the way it goes. I accept that.

Leaving sucks. Especially when leaving to start over new, yet again, in 6 weeks' time, from zero, no matter how things play out.

Maybe, in the end, I could use a little extra time. Goodbyes always feel like they need that extra day, that extra week.

Off to finish the packing.

Goodbye, Waskaganish. Thank you for the lessons, the love and heartache, and the good times. And the many bug bites. I leave you wiser, sadder, older, thinner, calmer, and more mature than when I arrived in late August.