Posted by S. , Saturday, October 16, 2010 11:28 PM

I've become lazy, it's true. I was going to write a retroactive post detailing the missing chunks of life lately. And then I realized that the main recent event was: a trip home for Thanksgiving.

Yes, leaving on Monday made me cry. Somewhere between St-Jerome and St-Sauveur I was grateful for my sunglasses to hide the tears. I was almost home  before the urge to cry finally wore off, 17 hours later.

I have mixed feelings about my trip home. While I'm glad I went, despite that leaving yet again was painful....I found coming back harder than had I not left. In August I hadn't yet come to realize how... I was putting my life on hold to temporarily go live something and somewhere else. I had this odd surreal feeling being back home that I hadn't left, that I had only been gone a few days, as if no time had elapsed, other than to change the scenery from summer to fall. Everything, and mostly everyone, are still where I left them, waiting. waiting for how long is something I had been questioning lately.... I could easily make this my life, if I chose to. I think I choose not to. I miss my support system (mocha fudge, thai food, skiing, ddr, my friends, cat, etc).I miss the silly little routines, quirks, traditions, and places that make me, me.

I love my winter life and intend, financial hardship guaranteed, to return to it, before heading out again next summer for a few months to Europe or Asia, provided I get a job teaching abroad. But not right yet. I'm 2 months and a couple of 24 hour blocks from my winter life, which I love.

Coming back has been hard, to say the least. While I never really went through any severe culture shock or feeling unaccepted... the lack of convinience, the lack of... so much of what I'm used to and love has been getting to me this week. As has the microcosm of gossipy, spiteful, shallow white people. I won't discuss it on here, but basically it's amazing how a few people can ruin something for someone (not referring to myself on this point.... yet).

Waiting for snow, and for a storm to blow over.