Woulda-Coulda-Shoulda

Posted by S. , Sunday, January 23, 2011 6:41 PM

Woulda-Coulda-Shoulda by Shel Silverstein

All the Woulda-Coulda-Shouldas 

Layin' in the sun, 

Talkin' 'bout the things 

They woulda coulda shoulda done... 

But those Woulda-Coulda-Shouldas 

All ran away and hid 

From one little Did.

The deep freeze has resulted in me being largely contained within the walls of the house for most of the weekend (yes, southern Quebec friends, I know it's cold down there, too. Subtract another fifteen to twenty degrees depending on the time of day, and you have the temperature here. I cranked the heating in my house to its maximum capacity, and am still freezing). Said containment has inevitably lead to some reflection and reminisciing, which has placed me in a solid What-If state of mind. Analyzing the events, the turns, the decisions. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not analyzing the Woulda-Coulda-Shouldas (its a very scientific model) of my decision to come back up here. Not mostly, anyway. I do, however, have a lot of What-If Questions that I want answered. But, as we all know, said questions are, by definition, unanswerable. Numerous hypotheses can be formulated; concrete definite answers cannot. We cannot predict an alternate past anymore than we can predict the future. And that is frustrating right now. Almost as frustrating as the lack of indoor heat.

My what-ifs are fairly limited in number and scope, thankfully, and I am trying not to dwell on them. But, there they are. What-if I HAD known what January would bring? What-if I had realized a certain variable was getting in the way and learned to isolate it?

What-if the uncertainty that triggers my nuclear-explosion-reaction side hadn't been present? What-if I had been more sure of myself? What-if what I recently learned I had learned quicker? I know, I know. "Better late than never". But, what-if that isn't the case? That's my current worry. 


That, and freezing to death. (Have you seen Encino Man when they uncover the frozen neanderthal? I'm afraid of such a scenario playing itself out here for me. )

I'm going to go sit on the heater like my cat does in hopes of finding some warmth and comfort. 

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