Ignore this post.

Posted by S. , Wednesday, September 8, 2010 3:46 PM

I really don't know where to start this one. It's not about travel, or life here, so much as about realizing that I don't really have much to go home to, friend wise. I'm starting to think that, whether I love it or hate it here, I won't be going home in 4 months. It turns out my 2 closest friends were just... biding their time until I left to dump me. Both with a rather hurtful disappearing act, one which was followed by ending a friendship... via facebook. I have always abided by the: if you have something to say, say it . I don't just disappear off the face of the planet, or send accusatory emails of years worth of pent-up inferiority complexes and accusations.

I feel... like a horrible, hideous, evil person. I also cannot stop crying. I thought you were supposed to cry about missing home, not about realizing... that many people back home are glad you left.

I don't feel great about this.. and yet I do see some irony in someone who dumps a so-called best friend... via facebook message insinuating that someone is immature. One thing I've learned in the past year with so many friendships ending definitively (Laura, Brenda, Kevin)... is to just walk away. When people, for many reasons, have a perception of you so ingrained as to see everything through that lense... fighting, self defence, revenge, whatever, is useless. I say stuff as it comes up.... but I'm not into fighting back. I'm at a point where I'm old enough to realize that people who constantly feel the need to change their personality the minute they are near their significant other aren't really what I want to surround myself with. I am fortunate to have real friends who are strong enough to say their piece, we work things out, and then move on. People who are strong enough to be themselves, peu importe the context, boyfriend, etc. And for them, I am grateful. If, at 26 years old, you aren't able to say your piece, as things come along, to someone's face...time to do some growing up. If you're hypocritical enough to let someone think you are still friends and just ignore them... same. if you are enough of a hypocrite to pretend to be someone's best friend one day at their going away party... and then do a complete 360 degrees 24 hours later because you put the person in an awkward situation which they stated... then, hey, you're a hypocrite.

I'm venting on here, because hey, it's my journal. If you don't like it, don't read it. I'm ridiculously hurt, my friends and family are all a 19 hour drive away, as are all of my comfort rituals. I'm allowed to blog all I want.



There's a lot I could have said in self-defence i. Like.... you and your boyfriend were actually mean to me because I was awkward. Thanx to Mary who read the email in question, and only knowing me and nothing of the context said:  "sounds like she has found a new guy and doesn't need her friends anymore". Which is, traditionally, how it goes if experience serves as a proper reference. I could point out that while a certain boyfriend wished me a good trip... he was not polite, he was mocking me 5 seconds prior. Because, apparently, him and his girlfriend hallucinated me saying comments which I did not say, and some which I said and which I stand by. I felt ridiculously awkward, yes. I also stand by that had the roles been reversed... the people in question would have felt similarly.