http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1D5PtyrewSs
Goodbye, 2010. Finally, the hours left on the calendar are dwindling down, and a fickle, topsy-turvy, roller coaster of a year grinds to a close. At first I thought that I would be ecstatic and not a bit nostalgic or sad to see it fade into history. And then, of course, I thought back: my first year in Becket (there will be more when I'm living in Mtl again, bien sur), finally getting to say goodbye to McGill, new people, finally achieving a tiny smidgeon of financial stability for the first time... ever. New emotions, new places, and a few happy pilgrammages to the old places that remain important, and good (Maine, evidemment).
There were, as any roller coaster has, the low points, as well, sometimes accompanied by a high speed downhill slope in a rattling wooden cart . I don't feel like enumerating them. Live, learn, forward motion.
I still love amusement parks. I learned; some people, places, experiences, routines are now farther away, distance and emotionally, others are closer despite the distance. The future, after a year like this, doesn't seem nearly as scary as it did if I rewind to one revolution around the sun ago.
2009 ended and 2010 started in Montreal, with friends and yahtzee... it seems an eternity since we (attempted) to howl out Auld Lang Syne at midnight while toasting champagne in mayson jars. People change, people move, people drift. Sometimes they come back, sometimes they don't. Sometimes, like now, you just have to wait and see what time reveals. Carpe diem, so they say.
Tonight will be spent in Granby dancing out the remaining minutes of another year with my favorite girls, after an afternoon on the slopes of Ski Mont Shefford (post tomorrow or the 2nd, promis!)
Alors, on danse.
Happy New Year to all.
Spent the day at Ski Mont Shefford. Which is, for the less ski-savvy, or non-Townshippers that might frequent my blog, a ski hill that closed in 2006.
That being said, I discovered last winter, first with Tom (see: torn meniscus), and later with Jess that the fact that it is closed is only a slight deterrent. Sure, there aren't any lifts to the top, nor is there a base or any grooming being done. There are, on the overwhelmingly positive side: no tourists, no lines, and an entire mountain of fresh, fluffy powder to play on in privacy. All, quite literally, in my backyard.
My love of ski hills and love of abandoned places aside, I will return here until it inevitably gets too grown up to ski, board, or crazy carpet down. We have a few good years left, though. (And, if the rumours are true, if the environmental issues ever get solved the owner, a Shefford mountain skiier and not developer, praise Ullr, does intend to re-open someday in a hypothethical future).
This mountain is, in many ways, the mythical paradise of my childhood. Not that everything was rosy. I can still remember laying my first ever tracks on alpine skis on this trail in '94. I also remember that I thoroughly did NOT enjoy this sport. Actually, mental images of beating my phys ed teacher over the head with the oversized straight-cut 1990s neon skis flashed through my mind, as did throwing my boots into the woods, and sitting by the fireplace in the chalet all day. Abandon ship.
Tears for Fears, the smell of Hubba Bubba, and memories of All-Sport (preferably grape) all elicit memories of this place. While dear old Glen mountain (perhaps later this week, or when I come visit in March) has a its share of legends, nostalgics, facebook groups, newspaper articles, and die-hards anxiously awaiting the day it may re-open someday, and a book on its history, Shefford has nothing. Except those who remember it as a slightly archaic, quirky place with its fair share of stories.
Quelques images....
there I am!
I'm faced with the dilemma: how to lug a 3 foot high Eiffel Tower made out of metal back to Waskaganish., with a ridiculously small luggage allowance?
Had I purchased this before the 23rd, when I first saw it, and shipped it with the moving van, it would have made a great deal of sense.
Now, I have a box load of stuff I will probably have to mail to myself, that I found/bought/received/remembered after that point in time.
I went through my last post and added links to all of the songs.
That's how occupied I am. I should be working on math lesson plans, I'm fully aware.
I had planned out an eloquent, elaborate post about friendships, change, etc.
And then I overdosed on sugar, took NyQuil, and waited for reaally slow internet to load. And so, the planned post will come at some later time and date. And instead, a list of songs I rediscovered after coaxing one of my old laptops to turn on, for a brief moment of time (Fraaaaank, helllllp!) 10 Songs which I highly recommend.
1- A Lifetime, Better than Ezra (oh, to be driving on Shore Road in York right now)
2- Take a Picture- Filter (it's sec 4, I'm eating a bagel and failing math class in that classroom with the bright orange carpets that are since long gone)
3- Swing Life Away- Rise Against (and if you like it: Saviour, Audience of One, Prayer of the Refugees by the same)
4-Flawed Design- Stabilo
5- Symbolistic White Walls- Matthew Good Band (and then Strange Days, and then read: At Last, There's Nothing Left to Say).
6-Mrs Potters Lullaby- Counting Crows (the band that one must know to know me. August & Everything After was my 1st ever cassette. and cd. This is the one country-like song I'll admit to loving. How can I not love a song with tilt a whirl imagery?)
7- Undeniable- Mat Kearney
8-Boston- Augustana
9- Never Too Late- Three Days Grace (the 1st time I heard this was on Canada Day, the year it came out on one of the infamous annual Ottawa/Canada Day road/camping trips which I am debating resurrecting this coming summer...Great song to jog through the Ottawa Valley near Manotick to)
10- Dice- Finley Quaye (OC fans will recognize this from New Year's Eve Season 1)
11- (An extra two because it's the holidays and I'm feeling generous): The Ocean- The Bravery (ocean. 'nuff said for those who know me. Also by The Bravery: Time Won't Let Me Go, and Believe)
12- Pure Morning- Placebo (I was a 90s teen, alright? It was on a Big Shiny Tunes cassette, which makes it cool)
I love rediscovering old playlists, and old favorites. Music is the number one form of time travel.
When I go get a coffee at my favorite cafe, despite having been gone for 4 months, the woman working there comments that I;m back, and asks how James Bay is. And the fact that they still know I usually take a moka fudge.
The sign is located on top of a ski hill.
Black bears hibernate during ski season.
Black bears are afraid of fluorescent ski and snowboard clothing.
Just saying.
Bromont tomorrow, Red Bull and Creme Egg bars are waiting patiently.
Remember, above all else, you must impress the bear. Oh, SkiBromont.
I forgot how skiing truly is my catharsis. Moments of pure bliss, mixed in with some adrenaline and some rather humourous moments.
It was when I was skiing down a trail that it hit me: I'm home for 3 weeks, in my old (real?) life. How easy it would be to just stay here, and keep last winter's status quo and continue on like this until the snow melts this spring. And yet... part of the homesickness I felt this November is more of a... longing for the way things were. And when I found myself back the way they were, I realized: I'm ready to move on the next step in life. If that means waiting a little longer to come home, once the next stage is started, I'm OK with it.
The reason I became so obsessed with skiing a few years ago is because that's when I became a bit of a fear junkie. I fell hard, I quit for years. Winter got to me, psychologically, worse and worse every year. So, I decided to turn a flaw, a weak point into a positive one. And I learned that facing fear head on is kinda fun. That's who I am. I learned to be more calm, more zen, more mature this past year. It was, all in all, a crap year with a lot of emotional things happening, friend, school, etc-wise. And I got through it calmly with no total breakdowns, no nuclear blowups, no Gossip Girl style revenge. I took something that used to terrify me, make me break down in tears in fear on the slopes, make me want to throw my skis into the woods into something I love, and am good at. I can do that with anything, given a proper reason to.
And so... now I find myself in a situation. Anyone that really, truly knows me knows two things. 1- If I get dramatic and go nuclear, it's because I'm hurt in a way where the heart is involved. and 2- my heart rarely gets involved. I've fallen in love a grand total of once. One time, one person, a few years ago, that I would calculate into my life plans. It was not, for a variety of reasons, reciprocated. I got over it.
I got over a lot lately. Fear of rejection, I dealt with this fall. I'm able to say: yes, I have feelings for someone. No, I was not entirely sure they were reciprocated. Yes, I'm able to admit that was a determining factor in my decision to return to James Bay after Xmas until June. No, I am not sure that the person in question calculated me in the same way. Nor am I asked them to do so, in making a decision.
All I'm asking for is understanding. To understand the above 2 points and not judge too harshly. Not necessarily to believe the best, but to not believe the worst. It's amazing how a few runs down the mountain clears the brain. If only there was a ski hill near Waskaganish....
Time for a bubble bath. Tomorrow: snowboarding!
My knee is holding up fabulously. There were no clicking sounds at all when skiing tonight.
Tomorrow is solstice. First day of Winter. And Ullr giveth: 15-25 CM of powder snow predicted for tomorrow.
A watched phone never rings.
I've discovered the 90s radio channel on Galaxie.
My ipod's playlist will be expanding exponentially over the next 3 weeks, no doubt.
Misheard Tea Party lyrics: "you surrender your underwear".
And now, off to Montreal for the day (snowshoes, iPod shopping, elfing for xmas).
Followed by food with Steph, at one of our favorite eating places.
Waskaganish needs a Thai resto.
For those not well acquainted with Val d'Or... not exactly a exciting, thrilling place. I'd love to write stories of prowling about town, panning for gold, but if there's any, it's buried under 3 feet of snow, and 1 foot of asphalt. And I didn't strike gold on the way down. I did, however, strike ice and snow, and occasionally realize I was driving on the wrong side of the road. I also saw the infamous Red Light and VD prostitutes. VD referring to the town, not the disease, to be sure.
I'm already sick of moving, after last night.. only to find out I have to rush on Sunday and Tuesday when free to get everything I need to send back up North packed and ready for the 23rd when the movers come. So much for practicing sax and bringing xmas gifts home. You can see how totally motivated I am to dig through and triage all my belongings, and pack them.
On a bright note: classes, school, DONE for me for 3 weeks. Will still be sorting out the math situation over the holidays. My first week back to work most of the kids are gone on their college orientation trip, making for an easy week, too.
I bought an iPod. You can all make snide comments. I caved in and finally went Apple. No, there will be no ipad, iphone, or ipod touch in my future, though.
Had a fairly good, fun last day in Waskaganish yesterday, for the most part. Last day before the holidays, I mean. Mixed feelings about returning in January.... going back til end of June for certain, but... mixed feelings about this. Mostly based on my uncertainty about teaching math, the whole first year teaching jitters (again! I thought I killed those when I taught at LaSalle College! but, alas, no....), uncertainty about someone, uncertainty about my ability to subsist 4 months without a break back home, uncertainty that my winter jacket is warm enough to prevent me from becoming a rather curly and frizzy haired snowperson.
Plane in... 8 hours. Home in... 10. With a Timmy's stop en route, bien sur.
I rediscovered a song from a year or two ago that I had on repeat in my car.
Feeling this song, a lot of it sums up how I feel about a lot of different aspects of my life right now...
Change- Daniel Merriweather
I've come to the conclusion that every time I drink apple juice, i feel queasy for a bit afterwards.
Considering that I *am* allergic to apples, in the raw form, this should be no surprise. very saddening, however.
On another note, I hate packing. It seems that my belongings have multiplied exponentially from the 1 box and 2 bags of luggage I came here with. But, considering I threw out a fair amount of clothing and have barely bought anything other than food in the past 4 months.... there's not much more there than there was.
I loathe carrying and moving boxes (and any other objects) more than packing.
Back to the boxes.
Departure for the xmas holidays in less than a week. 6 days to be precise, minus 2 hours. But who's counting?
I'd love to say that I have mixed feelings about going home, but as I'm in the process of packing, throwing out, and preparing boxes (moving across town in January), I have to admit, if I'm being honest, that I can't wait to get out of here.
It's an overwhelming feeling of just wanting to be home that grows as the departure time and date approaches; This week seems ridiculously long, stretching forever in front of me. In comparison to the past 4 months which have flown by for the most part. There were some stretches where I'll admit to compulsively checking how many days until Christmas; other periods where I had those "really? only 3 weeks left?" feelings.
I had originally planned to go home for good at Christmas. Lack of a job down south, and a good one up here changed those plans. I think I'm still getting used to the fact that, other than Goose Break in April, early January I'll be saying bye until late late late June. No Thanxgiving Break a month and change in to look forward to, this time. A little depressing.
Basically, my decision came down to being based on financial/job reasons. Nothing personal to anyone, here or there, but that's just how the cards played out.
I feel that my heart is in one place, but my reality is another. I'm sure eventually sometime during the inevitable deep freeze of January, they will merge together a little more cohesively than they are now.
Before: After:
Snow above the ankles. Snow above the knees.
My street Sunday, My street Tuesday night.
and 2 more from Tuesday:
My door.
What I could see while walking into town.
And now, for a video:
They closed the access road this morning. Flights are grounded.
There's actually no way into town, or no way out.
Snow.snow.snow.
Love it.
On another note, 12 days until I'm home for 2 and a half weeks. I'll admit I'm excited, and that it's too short. Love or hate life up here, I realized how much I miss home. Not in an overwhelming homesickness kind of way, more in a coming to the realization that regardless of how much I love to travel, after this year is over I will be attempting to find a job somewhere in the Townships or Montreal area. No more of this leaving for a year at a time. I guess you have to have distance to get perspective on such things, but the urge to flee has been extinguished, I think, or will be come June.
On a brighter note, I'm planning to go back to Europe this summer. Huzzah!
I stumbled across Project 365 when searching for something completely irrelevant, and was intrigued. Basically, the idea is to take one picture a day for a year (ergo the 365), based on some sort of theme. I'll be starting this weekend, mine is located here: http://365project.org/alleta2010/365
On another note, I finally tried beaver. Other than the rubbery parts, its actually rather delightful.
Survived two flea markets this week. It turns out that this is a flea market culture. I can't complain, as I ate all sorts of great foods (most of which I photograped and will upload when I find my memory card reader).
Haven't been updating much, as I started teaching sec 5 this week. Was given precisely :4 minutes warning, so you can imagine the amount of planning I had done. You can also imagine my level of cluelessness.
Day 1 of being the Sec 5 french/math/art teacher survived.
A couple of pictures from Waskaganish, this AM, before the freezing rain/snow/wind/more snow/hurricane force winds. View from my house. Better pics with more snow tomorrow, I promise!! But for now... the proof it's winter up here!
Back in Waskaganish after a week field trip to Montreal.
Arrived back to be greeted by winter.
It's a blizzard out there now. The wind is absolutely insane... I was actually afraid walking home just now.
Lovelovelove this season.
Rumours that school might be cancelled tomorrow.. even in the North, apparently, snow days do exist, to my surprise....
In Montreal for more than 30 minutes for the first time since... July?
I never thought I would miss, or even appreciate, this city.
I'm taking back some (not all) negative thoughts about the city.
The noise, the traffic... so many of my previous grievances with city living actually felt familiar.
It's amazing when we leave our world, our way of living behind for a life completely outside of our comfort zone how we begin to appreciate things that previously annoyed us, because they are familiar.
I would be lying at this point if I said that being back here for a week doesn't give me huge second doubts about staying until June. If I hadn't decided to stay... this whole adventure would be drawing to a close now (in 28 days), rather than not even nearing the halfway mark.
Then agian, western civilization, Montreal, my friends, the ski hills... will all be there for the rest of my life. What is another 6 months in comparison to the chunks of my irresponsibly incurred student-related debts?
It is weird feeling a bit like an outsider in my own world. It might be being on an organized, structured trip playing tourist in a city I've spent many days, nights, kilometres and hours in. It might be being here with people from Waskaganish. It might be the being within 45 minutes of home, friends, family... and not being able to go.
I feel some sort of animosity towards random, everyday people I encounter... because they get to live here. Because they don't appreciate this style of life, and take it foregranted. Because they don't know what life where I currently live is like. Because they have everything here, and don't even see beyond it. Maybe I'm jealous because I'm homesick. Maybe I'm remembering being ignorant in that regard myself, very recently.
And yet... I miss seeing the night sky in Waskaganish. I miss the Northern Lights, and the water.
There is some positives up North beyond the paycheque. I'm just going some sort of reverse culture shock at the moment.
Off to Montreal. Last minute plans, got asked to chaperone a trip leaving... tomorrow AM.
Grey, bleak skies.
Pouring rain, turns roads to mud.
Garbage everywhere.
Dog tried to get into my house. They follow me everywhere.
It's snowing, but it will just melt.
Sand, everywhere in the house.
So windy there are large waves in the puddles.
School half empty, chaos will ensue by Friday.
That's my update.
I was just sipping a Green Mountain Roasters Raspberry Truffle coffee... and remembered buying it at the Hannaford (lovelovelove) in Wells (love x infinity).
After double checking the calendar, I realized it was exactly 3 months ago today that I was lying on the beach in OGT, and buying candy in Perkins Cove. 3 months is faster than I thought. Is it July and time for Maine again, yet?
In August (the 30th, to be precise) I left, with 4 months as a duration firmly rooted in my mind.
Anyone that doubts my original intentions to be back for the winter season just has to look at the nearly 200$ bill from my purchasing a season pass to ski and ride at Bromont this winter as proof.
However.....
Sometimes, things you didn't foresee occur along the way. And, as usual, a fork was thrown in the road, and I've spent the last month debating, making pro and con list and attempting to figure out what to do come December. To say I've been stressed by all this is an understatement of exponential sorts.
I won't list all of the pros and cons on here. Needless to say: I miss skiing, I miss mountains, I miss mocha fudge coffees in our corner at St-Michel, I miss convenience, my friends and family, my cat, my car, being able to get out of town, snowboarding, I miss somewhat functional educational institutions. There are even more abandoned ski hills than just Shefford <3 to explore this winter. There's Winterlude, skating on the lake, and Thai food to look forward to. I miss DDR, hanging at Mikes, and random adventures.
However...
I like the kids here. I love living on the coast. I have met people I really like being friends with. I have feelings for someone, even if my neuroticism (sp?) has most likely rendered them unreciprocated... I like pottery, and having tonnes of time to work on writing and photography. I have a cafe here, too. I still haven't seen a lot of things. I do love winter.
I've decided, and I'm not saying for the moment.I don't want to jinx anything, disapoint or let anyone down if I change my mind, don't want anyone trying to sway me here or there. And so... a weight off my shoulders and time to de-stress. I had a nice solo wander out of town on the water intake road.
:D
Blue skies, snow on the ground, sunshine, and winter cold. Bliss.
Captured, photographically. I, unfortunately, was unable to capture, post, and transmit the cold air, however.
One of the things I've always loved about teaching is the unexpected. Often, straight-faced reactions on my part are masking an urge to sit down and laugh hysterically until I cry. Another part of teaching is that there are always those inevitable teachable moments, where you throw out whatever you had planned to do with the kids, and provide some wisdom or lesson: don't push, be polite, who were the Nazis, and so forth. Today's Grade 1's received a 20 minute such lecture... about ghosts on the playground. One of them noticed a swing that was, eerily enough, swinging by itself, while the other swings around it remained motionless. Naturally, this led to a first grade pandemonium, crowding around the window, freaking out. Because, really, the only logical explanation (especially with Halloween not even a week ago), was that there was a ghost on that swing. When I say pandemonium, I mean that there was actually one boy crying that he no longer wanted to go to recess, and some very frightened children... and some very enthralled and intrigued ones.
And so, Sam gave a lecture on the probable causes of the swinging motion, as well as the low probability of there really being a ghost out there. I disuaded their fears, or else they forgot, as they all had zero problems in enjoying recesss fully. I love that they still believe, fully and wholeheartedly, at that age in ghosts, Santa, and all those other wonderful things. I love the constant hugs, as well :)
On an unrelated note....
I found my blog from 2004 (The one I waxed poetic in and attempted prose, and not the ramblings of my livejournal that actually lasted a good 4 years, dying out somewhere circa 2006). And no, I will not provide a link. I can't help but feel that I'm more mature, and less talented, 6 years into the future. I sincerly regret not documenting more banal, run of the mill nights, and more funny moments. Re-reading some long-forgotten adventures and mishaps was entertaining. I've been having some separation anxiety having left all my scribblings and journalist portfolio unmarked in a random box in the basement at my father's.Had I thought, I would have retrieved it from the daddy-long leg spiders that are probably around it, during Thanxgiving Break.
Tonight is one of those amazing star-sky nights. While on one hand it frustrates me that it just cannot be captured by a camera...on the other hand, I like the fact that certain things can't be photographed, and can only be experienced and truly seen live. It preserves some form of "special" about them, I suppose.
This creme brule hot chocolate I bought in Amos is amazing.
In the middle of nowhere, in the 198 km stretch on Route 109 between Amos and Matagami, there is an abandoned hotel, Hotel Paradis, which is kinda iconic if you're one of the James Bay Road travellers used to passing on this particular stretch of road. It was also rather creepy. And built next to Lac Paradis, an emerald colored lake....Last night as we were heading North, we stopped there for half an hour to witness .... this:
(and no, there are no firefighters. The police showed up an hour after the call... no firefighters were sent).
Haunted Hallway, survived. 1.5 hours of scrubbing fake blood off the walls and doors of one part of the school, survived. To be survived: 3-5 hours of sweeping, mopping, and re-organizing in the halls, auditorium, and a classroom tomorrow AM....
Add on that I have a midterm report due tomorrow night.... busy weekend!
Pics of tonight's amazing haunted schoolway on facebook.
Hello from Amos, somewhere in the Northern reaches of Abitibi. At a hotel cleverly named the Amosphere (yes, we've already referred to it as the Anus-sphere, don't worry dear friends). However, after residing in Waskaganish for exactly 2 months (left home the 29th of Aug!), this place is, as my roommate and I discussed, the happiest place on Earth.
Allow me to make it simple: beer (legal!), sitting in a hot tub, snowflakes falling. 'Nuff said.
It's nice, after.... 9 years of student life (aka overwhelming financial problems and stress), to be able, for the first time ever, to decide to leave on a Thursday night, and drive 600ish kms and drop some cash on a nice hotel.
+1 for working in the North. Granted, today was a hellish day at school for reasons I won't get into in such a happy place.
Off to the hotel bar. Or bed, to watch TV. TV, I say!
Another weekend draws to a close! I would love to delight and entertain you all with thrilling stories of adventures, cultural encounters and the like.... but alas, I have none. Blogger, it seems, temporarily ate my password, but it spit it up this afternoon, allowing me to post again. No questions asked, cybergods.
I realized that 4 months has turned into 1 Month and X days at this point, until I'm home (for xmas. for good. Before heading off somewhere fantastical, returning here, staying there, who knows at this point?)
I have a cold, again. After not getting sick of well over a year, since June I've been lucky enough to enjoy a monthly battle with the common cold. I know, I know, they're called fruits and vegetables. Mind you, the price, smushy brown condition, and lack of availability of them up here somewhat justifies my potatoe/bagel diet. It's not scurvy, don't worry.....
I finally saw the Northern Lights in a somewhat substantial-to-dazzle-me form last night. Green, blue... and pink. I didn't realize they did pink and was rather delighted.Went hunting for them the night before.... while the rapids are gorgeous at night, that seems to be where the latest cold was caught.
Spent the PM playing Skipbo and caffeinating at the Lodge. Gorgeous day....it appears it will be a snow-less week this week.
Short week this week, with school Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday only. Getting used to a normal teaching schedule back home is going to be a challenge after this fall....
I think that is the end of the random thoughts. Off for a nap before... attending the Cree Fellowship. Sam at a Gospel Church... believe it! (Don't worry, I'm not converting to the whole religious beliefs phenomenon. I like my individualistic stance and strong belief in Ullr the snow god). Think of it as.... cultural anthropology and photog experience.
Snow. That's right. I woke up, disappointed to see the green/brown yard (I can't call it a lawn nor can I call it grass... its something like brush, I guess). And then, during the mad dash to get to school to teach first period... there they were. Snowflakes. Since all of the kids were 10-15 minutes late, I obviously felt the need to spend the beginning of the work day facebooking everyone that I had snow.
Snow feels like it belongs to me. Possibly because most people loathe it.
Now, if it would just stick. I'd had 3 nice, snow covered days back home by this time last year....
I've become lazy, it's true. I was going to write a retroactive post detailing the missing chunks of life lately. And then I realized that the main recent event was: a trip home for Thanksgiving.
Yes, leaving on Monday made me cry. Somewhere between St-Jerome and St-Sauveur I was grateful for my sunglasses to hide the tears. I was almost home before the urge to cry finally wore off, 17 hours later.
I have mixed feelings about my trip home. While I'm glad I went, despite that leaving yet again was painful....I found coming back harder than had I not left. In August I hadn't yet come to realize how... I was putting my life on hold to temporarily go live something and somewhere else. I had this odd surreal feeling being back home that I hadn't left, that I had only been gone a few days, as if no time had elapsed, other than to change the scenery from summer to fall. Everything, and mostly everyone, are still where I left them, waiting. waiting for how long is something I had been questioning lately.... I could easily make this my life, if I chose to. I think I choose not to. I miss my support system (mocha fudge, thai food, skiing, ddr, my friends, cat, etc).I miss the silly little routines, quirks, traditions, and places that make me, me.
I love my winter life and intend, financial hardship guaranteed, to return to it, before heading out again next summer for a few months to Europe or Asia, provided I get a job teaching abroad. But not right yet. I'm 2 months and a couple of 24 hour blocks from my winter life, which I love.
Coming back has been hard, to say the least. While I never really went through any severe culture shock or feeling unaccepted... the lack of convinience, the lack of... so much of what I'm used to and love has been getting to me this week. As has the microcosm of gossipy, spiteful, shallow white people. I won't discuss it on here, but basically it's amazing how a few people can ruin something for someone (not referring to myself on this point.... yet).
Waiting for snow, and for a storm to blow over.
Oh the nostalgia. Listening to The Kids Aren't Alright. I feel like I should be sitting at a Maroons game at the Waterloo Arena. Sudden craving for poutine and gummy cherries.
Life has been boring since I got back from the Townships.
A word of warning to all travellers: 14 hours on a bus WILL drive you insane. Guaranteed.
Never again!
As giddy as seeing snowflakes on the weather forecast makes me....
winter is coming, and I need to figure out if I'm staying or going. I need a job.
Maine, Toronto, Vermont, Asia, out west, up here, back home?
Ark.
The adventures in eating continue. After falling in love with fried fish guts and fried fish eggs, comes
goose. (normal enough and delicious). Moose (have already eaten a few times). Bear (also a first, also fairly normal). and then, of course, moose head. As in: I ate the ear of a moose. Had to pick some fur off of it.
Apparently it helps you sleep well. I intend to test that one.
Fall gets to me in weird ways. Causes nostalgia. While there aren't any nice red maple leaves to look at, or those carpets of leaves in the woods that smell and sound so perfect- it appears that fall, even in amongst the evergreen trees, still has the same effects. Maybe it's that, in essence, autumn is equivalent to change. Things die, wither, fall. (I'm referring to plant life, no deep metaphors here). No other season has that same connection to endings as fall does, where it is visible. Change, endings, something coming around the corner is in the air, it seems.
For nostalgic and other reasons (having significantly more free time in the past while than in all the previous years combined), I've started adding songs from old playlists to my current listening. I know that smell and taste are supposed to be the 2 senses that trigger memories the most (the smell of roof tar is inextricably linked to memories of MV tennis), but songs seem to have their own powerful trigger/time travel capacity.
I'm too tired and sleep deprived to write anything of substance.
Random facts....
-I had an odd dream about adopting a penguin as a child the other night
-I've been having inexplicable cravings for Thai Express tofu for the past month
-I just randomly and suddenly kicked my coffee habit again
-Wild turkeys scare me
-I think that the need to break into abandoned ski stations/ghost towns/old mini putt courses may indicate something
-I've discovered that pepperoni, if not cut up and cooked on a pizza, disgusts me
- I want a dog, but know I'm too inept to take care of one properly.
-I really miss my cat. Apparently the feeling is mutual.
- I'm totally avoiding dealing with some things that happened before I left in August, and I think this may be the reason that, with going home for the weekend approaching, I can't sleep. If you're one of the two people this refers to.... no idea where I stand, if an apology is forthcoming, if things will get fixed.
-I'm long overdue for a coffee-therapy session at St-Michel. Oh, mocha fudge and girl talks.
- Glee has now loaded.
I'm grappling with the idea of missing an alpine ski/snowboard season. Christmas break and the occasional escape to the Laurentians or Townships over the winter, while probably the average number of outings a skiier skis, seems inacceptable to me.
On the other hand, having a job and income does tend to outweigh sitting broke at my father's as a ski bum with nothing else.
On the other hand, people move, things change. Maybe this is my last chance before my friends back home get the same urge to take off as I had/have.
Thinking I should spend the summer "wintering" at a ski resort in New Zealand. Now there's balance for you.
The visa application is filled out, as are several instructor application forms for Coronet Peaks, Wanaka, and Cardrona. Ski!! From June til October!! Love-love-love. Sheep instead of wolves. There's a trade-off of sorts.
Oh so grumpy today. Randomly was incapable of sleep, and slept a grand total of 45 minutes overnight. Obviously now that I could potentially nap, my brain and body still do not desire sleep.
Reminiscent of when I used to work night shifts, and I'm none to fond of this groggy somewhat-stoned feeling of sleep deprivation. I also feel fully capable of wrestling bears and wolves and winning right now.
Okay, so I'll admit it. Sometimes, when the sun is shining, I actually do somewhat like fall.
In the event anyone wonders why I am so keen to go home for three days, here is my reason why:
As much as I'm not a fan of autumn, I need a good dose of Townships fall, and missing Owl's Head is just so not happening. And who can say no to pumpkin tasting foods?
